Frag My Life
by StoleTheSpider
Summary: "Knock Out vented quietly to himself. Here he was again, driving towards some auto parts store in the middle of nowhere, picking up parts and tools that he kept breaking. Correction: that his testy patients like Starscream and Arachnid kept breaking." It's amazing how one little shopping trip can go so horribly wrong. -Rated T to be safe!


Breakdown is still alive. He's just...on vacation. Yeah...Anyhoo, this another one of my attempts a drabble/oneshot thing. Total random-ness that popped into my head one day. I love the dream team that is Breakdown and Knock Out. XD There's no slash, just friendship. Hopefully the characters aren't too OOC. Please tell me if they are. :) Also if you see any spelling/grammar mistakes, please point them out to me as well. :)

This takes place some time after the "Darkness Rising" arc and before before "Out of His Head". StoleTheSpider owns nothing.

Cycle - 1 Minute Megacycle - 1 Hour

_Thoughts._ ::Comm. link:: Regular speech

* * *

Knock Out vented quietly to himself. Here he was again, driving towards some auto parts store in the middle of nowhere, picking up parts and tools that he kept breaking. Correction: that his testy patients like Starscream and Arachnid kept breaking.

As the Decepticon medic pulled into yet another dumpy little sort of town's auto parts store, he activated his holoform and stepped out of his alt mode. He was pretty sure that his sensors picked up a few not so subtle squeals from some local females across the street, but what did he care. The only looks that he really cared about were his true ones. What were squishy human facial features to his sleek and shiny finish?

He supposed that if he did care about the looks of his human holoform, then he figured that it did look quite attractive. He didn't really know what the flesh bags considered appealing, but if the whispers of adoration from the local girls were anything to go by then he must look pretty good. Passerby kept stopping to stare at both his alt mode and his holoform. _It must not be often that they get people from out of town, _he mused.

Knock Out shook his head and walked into the auto parts store. He was getting too distracted by all of this new attention. Nobody on the Nemesis looked at his alt mode this way. In fact, they all looked down on it just because it was a land based vehicle and not one suited for flight. Especially their former Commander now turned Lord. And speaking of their pretend Lord, he and Soundwave would have his chrome if he didn't keep a low profile. That was why Soundwave insisted on sending him to small towns that were in the middle of nowhere for parts like this. The less attention that was drawn to them, the better chance they had of avoiding attracting the Autobots attention. Still, that didn't mean that Knock Out couldn't enjoy all this new attention from the fleshies while it lasted. The Aston Martin was anything but wasteful.

oooooooo

Cycles later, Knock Out found himself in a predicament. The female fleshlings that he had shown little interest to before were now quickly becoming bothersome. He highly doubted that they all needed something out of this particular store right this very moment. The Decepticon wondered if he should just continue to ignore them or let his holoform fizzle out to scare the slag out of the glitches and be done with it. All they did was hide behind shelves or peek around corners at him and giggle in that high pitch tone that was so unique to their gender. If only the shelves and products in this blasted store were clearly labeled and organized like the ones back in his Med Bay! Then this trip would have ended megacycles ago!

Knock Out looked over a pair of wrenches while simultaneously edging away from a particularly irritating gaggle of humans. He distantly thought of the Autobots' own medic and wondered if he had these problems. Probably not. He transformed into an ugly, bulky ambulance. Not attractive at all. No, none of the Autobots would have this problem. Possibly that little scout, Bumblebee, but he figured that the human females would consider him 'cute' rather than what they kept calling him under their breaths. What was the word? Ah yes. 'Sexy'. Whatever that meant.

Quickly grabbing whatever necessary items he could find and throwing them into his shopping basket, Knock Out made a run for the checkout. He didn't care that this was a tad bit undignified, running from humans, but these females were starting to worry him. They kept giving him looks that reminded him a little bit of Arachnid before she pounced on any unsuspecting Vehicon that was disobeying her. Cruel, malicious pleasure. Knock Out shivered. Why were the fleshy females so scary? They were like a bunch of scraplets, eagerly waiting to get their hands on him and tear him apart.

After a very hurried checkout from a very confused store clerk, Knock Out made a run for the door. Just as he was about to step out of the automatic sliding doors and into the relative safety of the open parking lot, one of the pesky females stepped out into his path. The medic jerked to a stop and tried to pull his Energon prod out of subspace, cursing when he realized that he was still in his useless holoform mode. Taking another step backwards, Knock Out eyed his foe, distaste plain on his face.

The female looked rather silly in the Aston Martin's opinion. Her hair was teased out so that it made a frizzy cloud around her head, making her look like she had just escaped a windstorm. The little Knock Out could see of her face past the globs of colored paste was hidden by a pair of huge reflective sunglasses. Her clothes were very tight and form fitting. This female had to be the leader, seeing as how there were a bunch of little cronies behind her dressed in a similar manner.

The queen female took a step forward and leaned towards Knock Out. "Hi stranger. My name's Chelsea. What's yours?" she said in a sickly sweet voice.

The medic flinched and took a couple more steps back. His alarms were going crazy. This was not a place that he wanted to be right now. He would much rather be back on the Nemesis, buffing Megatron, than trapped in this predicament. Pit, he'd rather be enduring another one of Starscream's little high pitched hissy fits than be in this situation! Humans could be a hard foe to deal with. The three pets that the Autobots had taken in were a perfect example of that.

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" Chelsea asked, flirtatiously batting her eyelashes, successfully drawing Knock Out back to the situation at hand.

_Slag_, he cursed to himself.

That moment of hesitation was all the Chelsea and her pack needed. With a collective sequel, they all lunged forward and grabbed for the helpless Decepticon.

"Slag!" Knock Out cursed again, this time aloud. He dodged the multiple hands that were grabbing for him and ran into an aisle. Booking it to the other end of the store, Knock Out regretted not just letting his holoform fizzle out when he had the chance. If he did that now, the human pests would surely see. One more excuse for his beloved 'Lord' to take a claw to his finish. Knock Out grimaced at the very thought of one of the Seeker's pointy digits hovering over his faceplates, ready to do some serious damage.

Knock Out dashed into another aisle while checking over his shoulder for any pursuers. None. Believing that they had given up, he continued to run, changing direction to run back towards the store entrance. What Knock Out didn't know was that he was running straight into a trap. While he had been running down the last aisle, the girls had circled around to the front of the store while some headed back to cut off the other end of the aisle.

Just as Knock Out was a few feet towards the door and freedom, the girls stepped out of their hiding places, cutting off any and all escape attempts. He skidded to a halt in front of a virtual wall of fleshlings. Quickly turning on his heel, Knock Out tried to backtrack only to face the other, advancing wall of grinning humans. The medic slumped. "Frag my life." he moaned.

The girls didn't understand his choice of words, but his tone made the message all too clear to them. He was theirs. A few grinned slyly at the thought of getting their hands on him. They continued to advance.

Just as Knock Out was about to fall prey to human scraplets with their many squeals and clawing hands, the auto shop doors slid open, freezing everyone in the store. The trapped medic frantically looked towards the entrance and cried out in relief as he recognized the man standing there. It was Breakdown's holoform.

"Breakdown! Thank Primus! Help me escape these raving females! They keep squealing and shrieking to the point where it feels like my processor is going to blow!" he called out desperately to his friend and partner, pushing past all of the frozen girls to stand next to him.

The former Wrecker rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why didn't you just let your holoform fizzle out when you were out of sight?"

"There was no out of sight! Those annoying pests kept following me! And if I did it in full view, Starscream would have my finish!"

"Primus forbid." Breakdown rumbled as he stepped fully into the auto parts store, making sure to keep an eye on the humans that had Knock Out in such a glitch. They were all taking slow steps back, glaring at him as they did so. The queen, Chelsea, looked downright murderous as her game was spoiled.

"I was worried that the Autobots had finally offlined you or something. I came all the way out here to find out that you're only being held up by fleshies? Knock Out. I'm ashamed at you." he chuckled, motioning for the medic to follow him out.

"You haven't seen them in their feeding frenzy yet." Knock Out mumbled as he slunk after his assistant, marveling at how the once simple trip for tools had dissolved into something so tedious. Hopefully Soundwave wasn't recording this little jaunt.

Just as the pair was about to step outside and into the safety of their alt modes, a screech stopped them in their tracks. "Come on girls! We can't just let him get away! Let's go!"

"Slag!" Knock Out cursed as he scrambled behind Breakdown.

The gaggle of Knock Out's tormentors barreled out of the store to come face to face with a very threatening, very impatient looking Breakdown.

After a few seconds of tense silence, Chelsea stepped forward and gave the former Wrecker a haughty looking scowl. "Move it beef. We want our friend back. We weren't quite finished with him yet." she growled in a voice that was both sinister and sweet at the same time.

Breakdown took one look at the scowl that Chelsea was giving him, the glares from her cronies, and the worried look on Knock Out's face before sighing. "How in the frag do you get yourself into these situations?" he asked his friend.

Knock Out just shrugged. "I can't help it that the poor pathetic humans like what they see."

"You're lucky that you have me to save your aft all the time."

"Yes. I'll thank Primus, but only after you get us out of here!"

Breakdown sighed again, squared his shoulders, and glared down at Chelsea, trying to look as big as possible in his holoform. It wasn't hard for him to pull off. He was tall in his bipedal mode and his holoform reflected that. He towered over the puny fleshlings and flared his nostrils, watching the queen in front of him shrink.

"You wanna take him? That's not gonna happen ladies. You see, this mec-guy is with me. Now if you all wanna put your squishy little hands on him, you're going to have to go through me. And we wouldn't want that now would we?" he smirked.

The girls all took in his deep, intimidating voice and backed down a bit, even Chelsea.

"That's better. Maybe your species has a chance after all." Breakdown rumbled.

oooooooooo

Outside and fully out of the humans' reach, Knock Out let out a sigh of relief. "Thank Primus. I thought we'd never get out of there. At least not without blowing our cover first."

"Why is it that I always have to safe your shiny metal aft every time you leave the Nemesis? Can't you stay out of trouble for once?"

"Technically, you saved my pale fleshy holoform's aft, but that's not the point. The point is that I won't have to spend an hour buffing out the scratches that our esteemed Lord would have put on me if we would have blown our cover."

"Is that all you think about? Your paintjob?"

"No. Sometimes I think about my finish. Other times I think about your finish and how I'm always having to touch it up. Honestly, do you care about your appearance at all?"

::Enough! Both of you! Stop your squabbling and get back to the Nemesis! NOW!:: Starscream's voice crackled over the comm. link, startling Knock Out and Breakdown both.

::Starscream! Have you been listening in our conversation! How naughty!:: the medic mock gasped, then smirked.

::No. I've just been watching some very interesting feed from Soundwave. Humans Knock Out? Really? I don't know how your going to be able to show your faceplates around here again,:: the Seeker responded smugly before cutting off the comm. link altogether.

There was a small period of silence before Breakdown let out a laugh. "Looks like your going to be buffing out some scratches after all!"

The Aston Martin scowled and let his holoform fizzle out completely, not bothering to make it step into his alt mode. He was pissed. "Not if my buzz saw has anything to say about it."

Breakdown just chuckled and allowed his holoform to fizzle out as well. He knew that Knock Out wouldn't use his buzz saw against Starscream. That would result in his immediate termination. Knock Out loved himself far too much to allow himself to be offlined.

With a squeal, Knock Out peeled out of the parking lot and sped off towards the open road where a ground bridge was awaiting them. Breakdown allowed himself another small chuckle before speeding off after his friend. The next couple days were going to be interesting, that was for sure.

* * *

So how was it? Was it funny? Long? Offending? Please leave me a review if you have the time! Thanks for reading!


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